The summer of 2010, I went to a reunion. Not a class
reunion--this one was much smaller. It was a reunion of a small group with whom
I shared a big part of my life from elementary school through high school. Most
of us attended the same church and our parents were friends. We grew up feeling
at home in one another’s houses, being disciplined and comforted by one another’s
parents, sharing tea parties and softball, football games and barefoot dancing
at the swimming pool, hugs and heartbreaks. After high school, we kept in touch,
although more and more sporadically as our lives moved in different directions.
But occasional lunches when everyone was in town,
Christmas letters, and church homecomings kept us part of one another’s lives.
That summer gathering was golden, hours and hours of talking and laughing and
looking at photographs of the girls we were and the women we had become.
Husbands and SOs joined in. There were no awkward silences or uncomfortable
moments, just old friends enjoying one another. Of the five married couples in
the group, three got together during those halcyon days and still have the kind
of relationship that had them exchanging glances across the room and dancing in
the moonlight. How wonderful to be reminded that HEAs do happen in real life
too. Another, who was widowed, had just returned from her honeymoon, a
motorcycle trip to Las Vegas. I’m going to use her in a book one day.
Friends not only make us happier; they also make us
healthier. Studies have shown that, for women, talk and touch release the hormone
oxytocin (the same hormone that initiates labor in pregnant women). Oxytocin reduces stresss, calming both mind and
body. Hugs and chats really are good for you. Spending time with our girlfriends also fosters the release of serotonin,
a neurotransmitter that helps combat depression and can create a general
feeling of well being. A Dove study suggested that women friends also increase our self-esteem. Among the women in the study, 75 percent felt prettier because of other women. Yet another study reported that the more friends a woman
has, the less likely she is to develop physical impairments as she ages. Some
experts suggest that women who lack these close friendships are placing
themselves at a risk for health problems equal to that of smoking.
In real life and in online communication, I spend a
lot of time laughing with my friends. For me, shared laughter is an essential
part of intimacy. I can’t imagine a close relationship that didn’t include
laughter. Did you know that the benefits of laughter are similar to the
benefits of exercise? One study found that over the course of a year, laughter
increased levels of good HDL cholesterol by 26 percent and decreased C-reactive
proteins, a measure of inflammation linked to both heart disease and diabetes
risk by 66 percent. And while some people claim that the internet is a threat
to friendship, research indicates that, especially for women, online
friendships after a year become comparable in quality to real-life friendships.
Self-disclosure rather than face time seems to be the key to quality
friendships.
So if you’re feeling good, have a healthy
self-esteem, and are looking forward to more happy years, take time to say
thanks to your girlfriends. You owe some of that health and happiness to them.
Friends,
I will remember you,
think
of you, pray for you,
and when another day is through,
I'll still be friends with you.
--John
Denver
How
important do you consider friends in your life? What do you think are the most
essential qualities of friendship?
24 comments:
It is very difficult to write what with one's eyeballs swimming in tears!
Love to you, my dear friend!
Yeah, what Julianna said. :)
Honestly, Janga, you really need to start including tissue alerts with these blogs. Beautiful tribute!
♥
Exactly. A beautiful and heart-lifting (if tear inducing) start to my Friday. You're one special lady, Janga. I'm so lucky to have you in my life.
Okay, clearly, I'm heartless because I didn't weep, but I smiled the whole time and went: EXACTLY and thought of a half-dozen people--FRIENDS--I wanted to send this to. I love it. A beautiful tribute!
*HUGS* Thank you, Friend.
I've said it before and I'll say it again - you are the one of my dearest friends I've yet to meet. LYG, dearest! We are equally blessed in this.
"She is a friend of my mind. She gather me, man. The pieces I am, she gather them and give them back to me in all the right order.”
― Toni Morrison, Beloved
What a wonderful tribute to friendship, Janga! I am so proud to call you friend. LYG, Manda
And to you, J. You bring such joy into my life, my friend.
Thanks, PJ. And I'm grateful for your friendship.
Thanks, Ter. The luck--or, as I prefer to think of it, the blessing--is reciprocal. LYG
Never heartless, Hellie!And if the post made you think of friends who fill your life, it did exactly what I hoped it would do. I'm so glad you're my friend.
Same here, San. LYG right back. And don't we love that phrase that Julianne gave us that says what we feel, makes us laugh, and evokes memories all at once!
The Morrison quote is beautiful, J. Thank you.
Thanks, Manda. You are a blessing in countless ways. LYG right back.
And four days to your official debut as Manda Collins, published author. Now that gives us all reason to smile. :)
What a beautiful tribute. (Thanks PJ for posting the link). The older I get the more I need my girlfriends. They hold a part of my history no one else knows (thank God), and were part of making me who I am. I do the same for them. I lost my dearest friend to cancer ten years ago, but she's still with me every day. So this is a tribute to her, as well. Thanks for putting it into such beautiful words.
Thanks, Kaki, and thanks for stopping by. By the way, I loved Colorado Dawn. I gushed about it on GoodReads.
See what great friends I have. PJ sent Kaki Warner to my blog. :)
My freinds are the most important part of my life... I have some difficult times in my lfie and would not have got through them whith out my friends... We have shared many, many good times together too..
I not long been off the phone with one of my BFF's and it always makes me feel good to talk to them each week.. Even though we might not see each other so much the last few years, I know if I picked up the phone and called, she will be there for me no matter what.
Oh I love this post. The other day my BFF since 7th grade (we have grown children now, she has grandchildren) came in from out of town to help me buy my wedding dress. I was her bridesmaid at 18. I have new friends, through writing, that are like family, and old friends that are like family. I couldn't get by without any of them. Thanks for the post!
Kathleen, I think you're right. It's knowing they are there through good times and bad that makes them truly friends. You are blessed to have such friends in your life.
Thanks for stopping by.
How wonderful that a friend of so many years is there to share this special time in your like, Carey. And I know what terrific people and writers some of your writing friends are. You are blessed in old friends and new.
Thanks for your comment.
Tears for me too! What a beautiful post, Janga!
The winter blahs and cabin fever had been getting me down. My solution, you ask? - Breakfast with one girlfriend and then lunch the following week with another! Works every time. Just the thought of going out to eat and gab with my gals brightens my day. So I think you are certainly right about the health benefits.
I lost my BFF last year to cancer. She still brightens my days through memories and her daughter, who through the years has become a BFF to my daughter. Makes me smile just to type that. I've been watching and cataloging (?) family videos this past week and have video of them from when they were weeks old (they were baptized together) to just this past year (they are both 16). We've taken vacations together and spent holidays together. All I could think of is what a truly remarkable bond they will have when they're my age. Takes away that smidge of guilt that I never gave my daughter a sister. LOL
You and your words, my friend, are a gift I treasure every day. I only wish I could go share a meal with you and talk about books and life for hours and hours! I've gotten the stink eye from more than 1 waitress in my life and I'd suffer it again gladly!
Irish, how lovely that your daughter and the daughter of your BFF are friends. Having her daughter as part of your life must be like having a part of your friend still with you.
I'd love to have that lunch and long talk. Maybe someday . . . In the meantime, I'm thankful for the words and world we've shared online.
My old girl friends were discretely removed from the address book a long time ago. *LOL*
I still keep in touch with a few friends from school and college days and Mrs Q occasionally attends an annual reunion of old school mates (she attended a girls school).
I wonder if maintaining a large network of friends may be a feminine trait. Mrs Q has a huge network such that the walls of our house are covered with Christmas cards when Santa comes. We use them as Xmas decoration.
LYG is a new abbreviation for me (Love You Girl?). I'm always learning something new on these blogs!
I would be great to meet you all in person one day, and introduce you to Mrs Q.
Like Terri said "You're one very special lady, Janga!"
LYG *smile*
Thanks, Q. I'd love to meet you and Mrs. Q one day. With books and grands, we all have so much in common. :)
A number of studies support your idea of their being differences in men's and women's friendships. I'm not sure about numbers, but men tend to do things with their friends--play golf, play cards, watch a football game,and so on. Women talk and part of that talk is self-disclosure. One article I read characterized the difference as face-to-face for women (metaphorically in the case of online friendships) and side-by-side for men.
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